What If
by Izzu
Summary: How could things have worked out if their lives had been different?
1. --our parents didn't die?

"Honestly... I've done so many simulations of many things that could have happened differently..."

Hyeon glanced towards Jian as he gave him a puzzled look. "Simulations? Ah... like you mentioned before; how you imagined your reactions when you find out what happened to your father?"

Jian nodded. "Yeah. After all... I've had a year of spending my time alone by myself, wondering what happened to you. I had another one right before we went to that crime scene the other day, actually."

"Really?" Hyeon asked. "What was it that you imagined?"

Jian grinned.

"You know how both of us meet because Lee Junyeong killed our fathers... right? That time when both of us hid ourselves behind the police car. I was wondering if... that man never escaped prison and taken the lives of our fathers, would both of us still be able to meet each other? I think we still would have."

Hyeon snorted. "You're really confident about that, aren't you?"

She chuckled. "Yeah. Because even before our fathers were killed, both of us were still connected. Since your father would still be supervising Lee Junyeong and my father was one of the guards that watched over that person. Due to that, we're still connected. One way or another... we could have met each other regardless."

"Like say... I could have gone looking for my father when he was escorting Lee Junyeong to see your father, and you could have come to bring your father's things to the station. Our paths could have crossed then. Or... we could have met by chance elsewhere. Your house... as well as the old place where I used to live with my dad; in truth they weren't really that far after all. I could have seen you and liked you right away."

Hyeon gave her an amused look. "Would you still have chased after me then?"

Jian placed both hands on her cheeks before shrugging. "I guess. Though I would expect you to still tell me to get lost every time. Also, I suppose I'll be able to meet your brother as well. Your brother Min... was very adorable in the old pictures. He might be even more in person. I guess, it would have been nice if we'd been able to meet each other like that. Under different circumstances."

"You really _have_ a lot of imagination," quipped Hyeon, before adding. "And confidence too. Are you sure we'd still be able to get along well?"

Jian rolled her eyes at him. "Sure! I don't think either of your personalities would have changed much. I might find you—and probably Min too—to be a rude jerk; but I suppose I'll be able to see your true selves and love you both for it. We'll certainly get along... I know it! Both of you would still be weird... but I'd be weird too. I should be able to handle both of you."

"Ah, yes... _stalker_ ,"he said as Hyeon laughed. "Honestly... you sure had a lot of free time to think up these things." He paused, before adding. "I'm sorry for letting you be alone last year."

Jian smiled before poking him at the ribs. "Glad you realize that. You better pay up those debts soon."

Hyeon snorted again. "Yes, ma'am,"


	2. --we killed that person?

"Sometimes I felt like I should have killed that guy," said Jian.

Hyeon glanced at her worriedly. "Jian, you...!"

Jian shrugged. "It was frustrating. To know that he's still out there... and wondering if any other cases that I encountered these days could relate to his recent or past crimes."

"It was even worse this past year. Since I was stuck between trying to anticipate if you might just suddenly pop back and tell me where you've been... or if that person was watching me in the shadows."

Hyeon frowned. "Did he?" he asked as Jian shook her head.

"Who knows? I might just be overly paranoid. But I do occasionally felt as if I was being watched somewhere."

Hyeon stared at her silently. He wanted to say something to her... but then he pushed away the thought.

She sighed. "Though I suppose killing that guy in cold blood won't do any good. Because once you did it once, there's a possibility that you might do it again." Jian shrugged. "While sometimes in my line of work, one couldn't avoid accidentally killing the criminal we pursued or killing someone in self-defence... it'll still be bad if you started feeling indifferent to it. On killing someone, regardless if they're good or bad."

"But sometimes I felt, it would have been better to be able to know for sure that he's dead. Not alive somewhere... watching."

Hyeon nodded, as he sat beside her on the couch. "I understand..." He sighed.

"Actually, I too... tried to kill him. I thought I wouldn't stoop as low as he had..."

"Did Lee Junyeong..." Jian started to say, "... hurt Min? Back then? When we found you at that house? Was that it?" He nodded again. "Did that guy... Was Min..."

Jian didn't finish that line as Hyeon turned his eyes from her, refusing to answer.

"Was it good that I couldn't kill that person? If I did, Jian... you—"

Both of them went quiet as neither of them dared to look at each other. The only sound remained was the sound of the ceiling fan revolving above them. After a while, Jian let out a soft groan.

"I really... _hate_ that guy. So easy... how he could turn all of us into monsters like him."

Hyeon bit his lips.

"Yeah."


	3. --I died?

"Actually Hyeon... there's something that I've never told you before."

"Hmm?" he turned to look at her. "What was it?"

Jian glanced around looking guilty. "I... sorta did something reckless before. I went to Lee Junho's house by myself, and tried to get him to verbally confess that he was indeed Lee Junyeong. And that he killed a lot of people in the past and was a suspect to the bodiless murder cases."

That immediately triggered a response as Hyeon stood up right away, staring down at her. "What? When was this?"

Jian chuckled nervously. "It was the night after I left your house last time. When you fainted at the station." She immediately raised her arms at him, before "Hear me out, please. I guess I just needed to see that guy again. And I suppose, to take my chance. Because I've had enough. I can't see you get hurt any longer... and I want to get that guy captured already so that I could protect _both_ of you. "

"I know that was too reckless of me."

Hyeon glared at her. "Of course it was! He could have killed you!"

Jian nodded. "Yeah. I'd be dead. Thankfully Captain Kang came over," she glanced towards Hyeon as he looked at her in alarm. "I dared him to kill me. I said... that no matter if he made me disappear forever or not, you and my team would have definitely get him. I said that... even when I was scared of dying. Sorry. If no one came and I died, it would've been bad... right?"

Jian glanced towards him to see that he was staring at nothing. She got up to get him to sit back down with her again.

"I'm sorry," she said, as Hyeon turned to look at her. "But you've already had a lot of things to handle, and you still have to worry about Min that time. And I also had to focus on investigating about the other kids that Lee Junyeong 'saved'. And there's also Eunbok's issue..."

Hyeon couldn't even _force_ himself to smile. "Still, it must have been hard... right? And I wasn't even aware of it... all that time. If you died back then..."

Jian gently placed a hand over his own and squeezed it. "It's all right. Not as if that was my first time almost getting strangled to death..." She tried to laugh it off but stopped, as Hyeon gave her a stern look. "Well, it was all in the past now."

He nodded, yet still unable to say anything at the thought that he could have lost Jian as well without knowing. If things still happened as it had, not only he would have faced the reality that Min could be dead... he would also faced the reality that Jian would suffer the same fate as well. If it was like that... even if Min turned out to still be alive...

He looked up as Jian squeezed his hand again.

"I said I'm sorry. I won't be that reckless again. I promise. _Really_ , this time."

He could only nod silently.


	4. --he killed those children?

Lately... he has been thinking a lot. Wonder why?

To be honest, he didn't really mind having people that knows his real identity to think of him as a monster. Even if he disagreed with that view. Yet somehow lately, he felt the need to have _certain_ children to see him as other than a monster. Why was that? Well, in case of Lee Hyeon... that's a given. But _other_ children?

 _"You should try looking at your own reflection!"_

He didn't realize that he even _have_ that kind of desire until some of those children started telling him how much they hated and despised him. Or was it because the children nowadays were much more direct in speaking their minds about him? Because in the past, while people around him treated him as a monster... they never said it on his face. They never confronted him directly on how they viewed him as, since they feared of _what_ he could be.

Then again, was it _also_ due to the fact he had been interacting with people more now as he grew older? Because when you think about it, since he have been living under a false name; people have actually treated him nicer as any other normal people. So to have those things changed after he revealed his true self, he had to admit... that he sort of felt bad about it.

Was it because... he's grown to _like_ being with people?

xxx

But then... what exactly does it mean to be a _monster_? Because he doesn't think that _he_ was a monster. Yes, he _have_ hurt people... but those are _bad_ people. Was it wrong of him?

He don't hurt people who were _nice_ to him. Jua was nice to him. She was still alive until now. Same as _those_ children, he particularly liked _them_ a lot. But when Hyeon adamantly told him that he refused to even want to give him understanding or how Jian chided on his actions and expressed her contempt of him... he couldn't help feeling bad about it. Because he liked them, but they did not like him back.

But then he wondered, what if... he really tried to _kill them for real_?

xxx

 _"Kill me!"_

He wasn't lying then. He really had no intention of taking Jian's life then. But he had been close to doing it though. Even when he didn't really mean it. At first perhaps, he thought of not letting Jian get out of his house and hide her somewhere that no one could think of looking for her. But then she started pointing out her gun towards him—perhaps sensing his own intention—and he reacted on instincts against her.

But suppose what would have happened if Kang Eunhyeok did not come to stop him? Would he have ended up killing Jian? She did after all not putting up a fight against his chokehold; she practically challenged him to do to her as he did his other victims. Had he retained his stance even longer, the chokehold would have at least made her lose consciousness. Had he increase the pressure slightly, he could have easily stopped her breathing or broke her neck.

In that situation, would that be a good thing to him? Because the things she said, was indeed true. If he killed her, his team members would have definitely go after him. Hyeon even more. As much as that child cared about his little brother, he was aware how Hyeon care a lot about Jian.

If he killed Jian, Hyeon would've definitely not going to want to have anything to do with him. Even with Min's situation in line, Hyeon probably would still go after him. In that sense, it would still be the same scenario had he _truly_ killed Min that night.

 _"As I thought... you'd be the last one..."_

Oh, that night. It was pretty amazing how even then, he could think clear. Or was it by _accident_? It did surprise him to find out that Min was alive still. Because usually when he stabbed someone, it was most often a fatal move. Since killing someone was a second nature to him nowadays. So for him to not give Min the fatal blow was... odd.

And he wondered, why did he not want to kill Hyeon as well? That child did tried to kill him too and he had the perfect opportunity. What if he kill Hyeon as well, alongside Jian and Min?

He sighed.

Then again, if he did... he won't be able to find any other children who could replace how Lee Hyeon, Cha Jian and Lee Min meant to him. And even if there are children like that out there, it would still be different.

Guess you could say... it was good that he kept the three of them alive?


	5. --he let Jian be killed?

For quite some time, he hated her a lot. For being Hyeon's special person. For getting half of the affections from his brother that should have been _his_ alone. And how many times, he wished she would just _die_ so that he could have his brother all to himself.

Like her, he's been watching his brother for some time. Even though he suppose, Cha Jian had been watching his brother much longer than he have. Despite that, he hated the fact that his brother only noticed her more than him.

He really hated her. Even now perhaps, because he knew the reason that his brother decided to finally leave him was because of her. But that, he had always been aware of it. About the fact that his brother would leave him; choosing to be with her instead of him.

He was not blind, He could see it very clearly. The many times he caught his brother staring at nothing; missing and longing for her presence and touch. Something that he could not give to his brother. _True_ happiness. Since the only thing he noticed coming from his brother for him this past year was... the expression of worry that was a constant adornment on his brother's face.

Sure, his brother did looked happy to see that he was alive. But that was it. Aside from that and constantly being worried about him, all Hyeon ever did while staying by his side was being sad.

And he knew the reason for that. Because Hyeon still wanted for him to change. Changing out from that mould that Lee Junyeong has shaped him into. To make him able to understand the concept of morality that Hyeon and Jian tried to teach him in the past. And as much as Hyeon would want to make him change, he knew that his brother would not do it. As in _forcing_ him directly to make that change.

Min stared bitterly towards the documents laying sprawled on his lap. Hyeon's subtle way to get him to choose his path. Continue to hide away but lose the chance to see Hyeon ever again. Or pay for his 'sins' and be allowed to continue being that person's younger brother.

It was quite convenient for his brother to do it like this. Instead of actually telling him directly to make a choice, face to face.

xxx

But suppose, he could not... _really_ hate her? Because despite the things he have done, Cha Jian... tried so hard to reach out to him. Even after he gave her quite a scare by threatening to hurt her many times.

Funny. How at first he wanted her to like him but only to be refused. But when she started to actually take interest of him, he wanted nothing to do with the lady.

He used to wonder if he should have just let her die, when he sent that attacker on her. That way, he could have his brother all to himself. No one else could take his brother's attention away from him. No one else could take his brother away from him.

Min suddenly remembered that day when his brother had collapsed. He remembered the other times his brother had been distraught. His brother was able to cheer up and pick himself back up again because Cha Jian was around. Hyeon was able to smile again whenever he's with Jian. He had eyes. He saw how happy Hyeon was when he's with Jian. Much more compared to when Hyeon was with him, in which the _happiness_ was often marred with a tinge of sorrow. _And perhaps guilt_.

If he had let Jian die; and Hyeon found out that he was the one that ordered her to be killed, would his brother be able forgive him? Would Hyeon still be able to love him like the old times, or will Hyeon hate him for taking away the woman he loved? His brother did not look like he loved her that much yet at _that_ time, but Hyeon did not seem to hate her either. And if Cha Jian was not around when his brother needed someone by his side, would Hyeon be able to cope with everything else that happened since?

Min recalled the time when Jian held him close. How she tried to explain to him why he needed to atone to his sins. She sounded so worn out that time. It was odd that he only thought about it now; but Jian seemed so much like _mother_ back then.

He sighed.

Choices. Perhaps it was good that he was still allowed to make any? Like that choice he made that night to not have Jian killed horribly. Guess that choice allowed him to have the chance to restart everything.

Because if he had killed Jian, would Hyeon even want to consider accepting him back as a family member now? Would Hyeon even be _fine_ by himself? These two years, Hyeon was able to handle everything because he had Jian to talk his problems with. But if Jian was not around, who would Hyeon have gone to... to talk about his problems? His brother wasn't one to be able to open up to people so easily... all these years of watching his brother from afar told him enough. In that sense, Cha Jian's presence in his brother's life was essential.

Min smiled as he placed the big envelope on the bed before changing out of his hospital garments.

Then, it must be good that he didn't have Jian killed in the end.


End file.
